Unliving in Fear
by forsaken2003
Summary: What if it was Spike that got hit with Toth's power instead of Xander? What if he didn't get the same effects?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Unliving in Fear 1/4  
>Author: Forsaken2003<br>Pairing: Spike/Xander  
>Rating: R<br>Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
>Comments: Always welcomed!<br>Summary: What if it was Spike that got hit with Toth's power instead of Xander? What if he didn't get the same effects?  
>WarningsSpoilers: Season 5 'The Replacements'  
>Beta'd by: Whichclothes<p>

**Part One**

Buffy, Xander, Willow and Riley were in the city dump looking for a demon named Toth. He had charged into the Magic Box in search of Buffy but only found Giles. Giles had tried fighting him off but was unsuccessful and was knocked out. When he came too he was alone. Buffy ordered him to stay behind just in case he had a concussion.

"So anyway, how great is my new apartment? I'm still shocked that I was approved and I am in my very own place!" Xander said excitedly. He had an axe swung over his shoulder.

"Very grown up of you," Buffy commented.

Riley looked around the dump sadly. "People say they're recycling… they're not."

Willow patted his shoulder. "I found a spell so you can't smell anything. But it does it by taking your nose off. So, no."

They rounded a corner and startled Spike, who is rummaging through some discarded items.

"What are you doing here, Spike?" Riley said with a sneer forgetting about the recycling problem.

"Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who's set up a charming tea room just 'round the next pile of crap - what do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?" Spike said in disgust and pointed to a small pile of salvaged items. There was a broken table and part of what might have been a mannequin. Spike held up an attractive old oil lamp.

Willow had to comment on it. "Very pretty."

Buffy was tired of the small talk. All she wanted was to find this Toth and kick its ass. "Spike, we're looking for a demon. Very tall, robe, skin kinda hanging off, deep voice…."

"What, you mean a great tall robe-y thing like that one?" Spike pointed behind them.

The Scoobies turned and looked behind them. Toth loomed over them from a nearby hill of garbage, and he held a black rod.

"Die well, Slayer." Toth rushed forward as Willow and Riley circled around behind him, axes ready as Toth raised the rod.

"Hey, big guy! Kick 'er ass!" Spike cheered. He didn't mind the Scoobies so much. He hated farm boy though. He wouldn't shed a tear when he died. Hopefully it was soon!

Buffy saw the rod in Toth's hand. She picked up a length of pipe. But Xander saw that Toth aimed the rod at her.

"Watch out!" Xander yelled before a blast of sparks erupted from the rod and a pile of garbage next to Buffy exploded.

"Take cover!" Riley grabbed Willow's arm and pulled her away from the action. Toth fired the weapon again. Spike's new lamp was hit and shattered in his hand.

Spike dropped the remaining pieces of lamp to the ground. "Oh, very nice. I was on your side!" he rushed at Toth just as he raised his rod again, his sights on Buffy. A blast of magical force erupted again from it. Instead of Buffy being hit Spike was flung into a pile of garbage.

"Shit, Spike!" Xander called out. He rushed over to Spike who was looked dazed and confused.

Spike struggled to his feet. Buffy looked around for Toth, but he was gone. Spike allowed himself to be supported between Xander and Willow. The group moved away slowly.

"Are you all right, Spike?" Willow asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," Spike said but stumbled when he pushed away from them. Xander refused to let go though. "Said I'm fine," Spike growled but didn't pull away again.

Xander ignored Spike. "You're going to stay at my place tonight.

"I don't want to stay in the basement," Spike said with a pout.

"Xander doesn't live in the basement anymore. He has this swanky new apartment!" Willow said excitedly. She couldn't wait for Xander to let her and Buffy throw him a party.

Buffy wrinkled up her nose. "Xander, do you really want the evil dead staying with you on your first night at your new place?"

"Yeah, he can go back to his crypt and lick his wounds there," Riley agreed with Buffy. He always agreed with Buffy.

"It will be nice to have some company. New place and all. Besides I had some extra plasma left over that Spike can have," Xander explained. "It's all good."

Spike's legs wobbled and his vision blurred. "Let's get a move on." _Before I pass out_, Spike thought.

"Sure thing. My place is close by, only a few blocks," Xander said and turned to the rest. "We can make it on our own. You guys head home. We can regroup tomorrow and figure out what to do with this Toth guy."

"That's my line," Buffy pointed out. "But what Xan said. You sure about Spike?"

Xander nodded and said his goodbyes. He and Spike made off in the other direction. "You sure you're okay?"

Spike turned his head making sure they were alone. "I feel like I'm going to barf," he admitted. He would be that honest with Xander only. They had some weird bond; Spike didn't look a gift horse in the mouth. "Just need some rest."

"We'll be home in a few. Just lean on me, no one's around," Xander assured Spike. He never wanted Spike to feel less than he was. Who would have guessed that Xander Harris would care about Spike's reputation? Life on the hellmouth was strange.

Xander was sprawled out in his bed. He'd only been asleep for two hours after coming home, making sure Spike was all right, no visible injuries and feeding him a couple cups of blood before bidding him a good night. Xander was enjoying his dream, the biggest Twinkie he'd ever seen. He'd struck gold, golden goodness! As soon as he reached the cream filling about to take the first bite he was driven from his dream. A scream echoed his apartment; it took him a minute to remember that he wasn't alone.

"Spike?" Xander rolled out of bed, not bothering to put a t-shirt on, when another wail came. He rushed out and saw Spike huddled in the far corner. "Spike? What are you doing?"

"Kill it. Kill it. KILL IT!" Spike screamed. He had his finger pointed to Xander's coffee table.

Xander looked confused but went to investigate. What the hell could have Spike so freaked out? He stood in front of the table and stared down in disbelief. "Spike, it is two o'clock in the morning. I'm tired. It's just an itsy bitsy spider. I'm going back to bed." He started toward his bedroom only to be stopped by Spike's begging.

"Please, Xander. Kill it," Spike whimpered. His entire body shook.

Still confused Xander went back to the table, rolled up a day old newspaper, the obituaries no less and whacked the spider with it. Xander wrinkled up his nose when the spider was smeared on his table. Oh well, he'd deal with that later. Gently setting down the newspaper he made his way over to Spike and squatted down in front of him. "What the hell, Spike? Since when are you afraid of spiders?"

"I'm not… I mean I wasn't." Spike's brow wrinkled as he tried to explain what he meant. "Never minded creepy crawlers before. I was just sitting there watching some telly and it scuttled across the table and I couldn't help the fear that came over me." He shook his head. "What the bloody hell is wrong with me?"

"I don't know but I'm too tired to think right now. Let's just get some sleep and we'll go see Giles tomorrow, all right?" Xander stood and waited for Spike to follow suit. "Are you going to be okay on the couch?"

Spike licked his lips nervously. "Are you sure it's dead?"

"I'll get rid of it," Xander promised. Spike watched him go into the kitchen pull, off a piece of paper towel, and wipe up the mess he made, then tossed both the newspaper and towel into the trash under the kitchen sink. "All better," Xander said.

"Thanks," Spike said and curled up on the couch, his eyes on the TV.

Xander patted Spike on the shoulder and went to his room. He left it ajar just in case he was needed again.

When Spike woke in the early afternoon Xander was on his second pot of coffee. "You up all night?" Spike asked.

"I got some sleep," Xander said and took a sip of his cooling coffee. "I didn't hear you anymore last night. Maybe it was just some kind of nightmare and when you woke up the spider being there freaked you out." Xander got up and went to the fridge, where he grabbed Spike a bag of blood. He cut it open, poured it into a mug and popped it into the microwave for a few minutes.

Spike sat at the table watching Xander putt around. "Maybe," Spike said but didn't sound convinced. When Xander placed the mug in front of him Spike picked it up and brought it to his lips but before it touched him he drew it away.

"What's up? Usually you're gulping it down demanding another cup," Xander stated.

Spike shook his head and brought it back to his lips only to pause again. "What if it's poisoned?"

Xander's jaw dropped at Spike's question. "What if… what the hell is wrong with you? I didn't poison you, Spike! I don't even know what could poison a vampire. Well, Faith was able to poison Angel with an arrow but I have no idea what it was," he babbled clearly insulted.

"Didn't mean you, whelp. Just… someone," Spike said. He set the mug down and pushed it away.

"Don't be an idiot, no one poisoned it. You have to eat. You drank it last night. Did anything happen to you?" Xander asked.

With a snap of Spike's fingers he jumped from the chair. "Bloody hell it's the blood! That's what made me afraid of the damn spider last night." He picked up the mug and marched to the sink and poured the contents down the sink ignoring Xander's protests.

"What the hell? Spike, do you know how much it costs to buy blood? It ain't cheap!" Xander moved to stand in front of the fridge stop Spike from raiding it and dumping out the remaining bags. "It's not the blood!"

Spike tried to pry Xander away from the fridge but with the chip he couldn't try very hard. "There is no other explanation," he growled.

"The demon," Xander said and pushed Spike out of his way to get to the phone. "You touch that fridge and I'm going to toss your duster out the window," he threatened as he hit speed dial.

"Don't touch the coat. Killed a slayer for it, I did," Spike said, grabbing his duster and holding it in his arms like a child did with a security blanket. "What about the demon?"

Xander waited for Giles to answer the phone. "You were whacked with the demon's rod," He said and realized how it sounded and giggled. "You were mojoed." Xander turned his attention back to the phone when Giles finally answered. "Hey G-man, we need a Scooby meeting. Did Buffy find the Toth guy yet?" "Still in the wind then. Look, I think when it smacked Spike with the mojo from its rod thing it did something to him." "It would be easier to explain once. So Magic Box at sunset." "Great, thanks. See you there." He hung up and turned to Spike who was still hugging his duster. "We've got hours to kill. Want to play some poker?"

Spike looked warily at Xander. "Not going to touch my duster?"

"No, I'm not going to touch it. Just don't toss out anymore of the blood, all right?" Xander asked. He realized just how deeply this demon affected Spike. Spike would normally threaten to pull his intestines through his nose if he ever touched his precious duster.

"Fine, but I'm not drinking it," Spike declared and pulled out a deck of cards from one of his many pockets. "What are we playing for?"

Xander snagged the cards and shuffled them himself. "Every game we win the other owes them a beer."

"Make sure you have your debit card, pet. I'm going to take you for everything you're worth," Spike said, ready to win every single hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Unliving in Fear 2/4  
>Author: Forsaken2003<br>Pairing: Spike/Xander  
>Rating: R<br>Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
>Comments: Always welcomed!<br>Summary: What if it was Spike that got hit with Toth's power instead of Xander? What if he didn't get the same effects?  
>WarningsSpoilers: Season 5 'The Replacements'  
>Beta'd by: Whichclothes<p>

**Part Two**

It was just past nightfall when Xander and Spike reached the shop. The journey had been an experience Xander would not soon to forget. "Spike, I was going the legal limit!"

"The hell you were. If I was the praying type or you know not the evil vampire that I am I would have been begging God for help," Spike argued.

Willow and Giles looked at each other, both clearly confused. "What's going on, guys? Giles told me you think Toth did something to Spike?"

"The whelp here was trying to kill us," Spike said. His hands were shaking as he took his duster off.

"Spike, I'd never go over the speed limit. Especially in this town, you never know when a big slimy demon would jump out at you," Xander said. He placed a hand on Spike's shoulder. "I know you're freaked out but trust me, would you?"

Giles looked intrigued. "Spike was scared of your driving? Unusual considering how he drives."

"Wasn't scared," Spike replied with a pout. "Just… concerned."

"Spike, if you want our help you've got to be truthful here," Willow said. "How about some blood?"

"No!" Spike shouted and shook his head furiously. "It's poisoned."

Xander slammed his head down on the table. "I told you the blood is fine; it's the demon that's messed with you."

"Spike, I assure you, the blood is fine. We have no idea how long it will take to figure out just what Toth has done to you and you will need to be at full strength when we do," Giles interjected. It really was fascinating. "Now let Willow get you some blood and you can tell us what happened."

"Fine," Spike agreed. He tensed when the door chime rang. Spike jumped up in game face, growling as he backed away from the new arrivals. Buffy and Riley, just what they needed right now.

Buffy pulled out a stake when she saw Spike growling and in his demon face. "What the hell is Spike doing here? And why the hell is he growling at me?"

Spike's growling slowly stopped and now he was letting out small whimpers. Xander was at his side, ignoring everyone, telling him to stay away. "Spike, what's wrong? Talk to me."

"She's going to kill me," Spike answered. His yellow eyes never left Buffy. "She's going to kill me and I can't stop her."

"Buffy is not going to kill you. I won't let that happen," Xander promised. He turned to Buffy. "Put your stake away."

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "Not until someone tells me what the hell is going on here!"

"Spike was mojoed," Willow spoke up. "Toth put the whammy on him."

After considering what Willow said Buffy decided to put her stake away. "What's wrong with him?"

"Do we care?" Riley asked with disbelief.

"Of course we care!" Xander said angrily. "You might not like him but that doesn't mean the rest of us don't."

Riley snorted. "Buffy doesn't like him."

"Actually…." Buffy said blushing. "He's kind of grown on me."

"But you always treat him like crap!" Riley said, anger coloring his voice.

"Well I can't come right out and be nice to him! That would be creepy!" Buffy explained and shuddered. "We have an understanding of sorts."

Spike buried his face into Xander's neck. "Make them go away."

"Guys, you're really upsetting him. We need him calm. Could you guys go?" Xander asked though his tone left no room for argument.

Buffy wanted to refuse, she wanted to help but she knew the best way for her to help was to take Riley and leave. "Sure, we'll patrol and see if we can find Toth."

"If you find him do not kill him," Giles instructed. "We might need him alive to undo what he has done to Spike."

"Come on, Riley. Let's go demon hunting," Buffy said and dragged him out of the store.

Giles made his way over to one of his book shelves and pulled out a bottle of scotch. "I think Spike could use some."

Xander helped Spike over to the table. He was worried when Spike didn't try to pull away; instead he leaned in closer. Xander couldn't help but feel like he was Spike's protector. It felt good that he was needed. He settled Spike down before pulling a seat right up next to his. "Are you all right, Spike?"

Spike accepted the glass of scotch from Giles and downed it in one go. "No, I'm not bloody all right. I am a fucking master vampire and I'm scared of spiders and blood and for fuck sakes Buffy!"

"Calm down," Xander said soothingly. "Getting all worked up isn't going to help."

"What we need to do is find out more information on this Toth. We must find out about that staff of his," Giles said and passed Willow and Xander each a book to look through. "Spike do you think you are, erm….up to doing some research?"

Spike growled and swiped a book away from Giles. "I'm not a sodding invalid." He placed the book on the table before pouring himself another drink. "Let's just find this bugger."

An hour and ten glasses of scotch later they were nowhere closer to finding out anything about Toth. The only thing accomplished was Spike being three sheets to the wind. "There's not a bleeding…bloody thing here."

Xander closed his book. "I think I better take him home."

"Oh sure. Just toss me into that spider-infested crypt. Don't care about Spike. No one ever does," Spike said. "Not like it matters. I don't matter. Don't even exist," He said sullenly.

"Come on, Spike. You're coming home with me. Not going to let the spiders get you, okay?" Xander said. He helped Spike put his duster on.

Spike stumbled over his feet and only managed to stay standing because Xander grabbed hold of him. "Such a white knight. Sexy too, you know that?" Spike asked, his breath smelling of scotch. "You'll die, though. You'll all die and I'll be here to live my shitty life with no one."

Xander shook his head as he and Spike left the Magic Box. He barely heard Willow suggest that they call Angel for help. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be fighting evil well into my eighties."

"You'll forget about me long before that though, won't you?" Spike asked sadly. "Not one of you."

Sadness poured over Xander as he realized Spike thought he was forgettable. "How could I possibly forget about you?" Xander asked as he got Spike buckled into his car. "There is nothing forgettable about you!" He rushed around to the other side of the car and jumped in, not bothering with his seatbelt. All he wanted was to get Spike home. Make him feel safe.

"You're just saying that because you feel sorry for me," Spike replied.

"Spike, I'm not saying it because I feel sorry for you. We're friends, remember?"

"Want to be more than friends," Spike mumbled. "I've wanted you to fuck me for weeks now."

Xander almost ran the car into a lamp post which caused Spike to scream like a little girl. Not that Xander would ever tell him that. "What did you say?"

"I've wanted your cock in my tight arse. Pretty sure I didn't stammer that out," Spike huffed in annoyance. "And keep your damn eyes on the road."

"You want me to fuck you?" Xander asked, while keeping his eyes on the road. He didn't want to make Spike hysterical.

"Fuck no! Not now!" Spike glared at Xander like it was him who suggested the whole thing. "You don't know what you're doing. I'm not going to have you fumbling around down there!"

Xander rubbed his forehead. "You are giving me a headache, Spike. So you want to have sex but not now?"

"Just said that, didn't I?" Spike asked. "Bloody terrified of having your big dick in me."

"Right, we'll talk about my dick inside you as soon as you're all better," Xander said and parked in front of his apartment. "Right now we both need sleep," he said. He turned to look at Spike who had his head tilted back and was snoring.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Unliving in Fear 3/4  
>Author: Forsaken2003<br>Pairing: Spike/Xander  
>Rating: R<br>Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
>Comments: Always welcomed!<br>Summary: What if it was Spike that got hit with Toth's power instead of Xander? What if he didn't get the same effects?  
>WarningsSpoilers: Season 5 'The Replacements'  
>Beta'd by: Whichclothes<p>

**Part Three**

Once again Xander was woken up by Spike. This time was different though; not a sound was made. No Spike literally jumped on him, his knee connecting with Xander's precious jewels.

"Ow! Fuck, Spike what the hell are you doing?" Xander all but yelled. He was tired and all he wanted to do was sleep. A bolt of lightning and a crash of thunder hit and Spike wrapped his arms around Xander's neck almost choking him "Fuck….come on, Spike. Deep breaths."

"I-I don't breathe," Spike whimpered.

Xander was somehow able to extract Spike from his neck and settle Spike's head under his chin hands running up and down Spike's back. "Hush now. Xander's got you," he crooned. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Spike eventually relaxed. "I hate this," he whispered.

"I know you do. We'll figure everything out, though. You know the good guys always triumph," Xander reassured Spike.

"I'm not the good guy," Spike reminded him. "Maybe this is my punishment? My own personal hell."

Xander couldn't resist- he kissed the top of Spike's head. "I won't let that happen. Try and get some sleep."

Even though Spike wasn't alone during the storm it still frightened him. The only thing that got him through it was the feel and smell of Xander. Xander was safety. He was Spike's very own security blanket.

The next night when they walked into the Magic Box Spike had Xander's hand in a vice grip. There was no way he was going to let Xander leave him. He froze making Xander jerk back. "Sire?"

"Hello, Spike," Angel greeted. He looked at Spike's grip on Xander's hand. "What's going on?"

Spike leaned closer to Xander, tremors wracked his body. "Nothing."

"What's wrong, Spike?" Xander asked worriedly. He narrowed his eyes at Angel. "What did you do to him?"

"Not him, Angelus," Spike whimpered.

Xander ran a hand over Spike's cheek. "Angelus can't hurt you, Spike. Willow made sure he was trapped in tight. No amount of sex is going to make him come back." His eyes turned back to Angel. "And if Deadboy ever tried laying a hand on you I'd stake him and dance on his fucking ashes."

"Xander!" Willow gasped in horror. "Angel's come to help Spike."

"I know. I just want to make sure he is clear on what I'm saying. Spike is vulnerable right now and I won't let Angel make it worse for him," Xander said. He turned to Willow with a friendly smile. "Now what do we know about Toth?"

Spike rubbed his cheek against Xander's shoulder and purred. "My bloody White Knight." He pulled Xander over to the couch instead of the table and shoved Xander onto the couch before making himself comfortable on Xander's lap.

Willow blushed at the intimacy between Xander and Spike. She knew they had a secret friendship that wasn't really all that of a secret but she didn't know anything about this. "Apparently, Toth's shaft….erm rod…. staff holds a power that can divide a person's personality. The weak against the strong, you kill one you kill both. That's why he was after Buffy. It would have given him an advantage of killing the slayer. Only Spike intervened."

"Never did thank me," Spike murmured.

"I am sure Buffy is very grateful for what you did even though you weren't trying to save her," Willow replied, with a sympathetic smile.

"Okay this doesn't explain what happened. He wasn't split in two. He's terrified of everything!" Xander exclaimed.

Angel grunted with distaste. "Not everything. He doesn't seem to be afraid of you."

"That's because I trust him, you ninny," Spike replied with his own glare to Angel. "He's my protector."

"Nothing to fear? Spike, in case you forgot Xander hates our kind. He especially hates vampires of our clan," Angel said. He didn't like that Spike was looking for protection from Xander and not him.

Giles cleared his throat gaining everyone's attention. "Spike obviously feels safe with Xander," Giles said. He was not about to listen to bickering. "Now the book Angel brought with him told us what the staff does. I can only hypothesize that Spike was not split into two beings is because he is not human."

"But he was human at one point," Xander said stating the obvious. "What's the diff?"

"The _diff_ is that Spike is a mystical being. Just because he once was human means nothing now," Giles explained.

Xander's hand rubbed circles over Spike's back. "Okay, makes sense. Now for the bonus round, do we know how to reverse it?"

"There lies the problem," Willow said and chewed on her bottom lip.

"Don't tell me there isn't a cure," Spike all but wailed. "I'm not staying like this for the rest of my unlife! Just stake me now."

"Hey, don't talk like that," Xander scolded. "No one is dusting you and there's a cure….right guys?"

Giles polished his glasses. "Of course there is a cure. We need Toth to strike Spike with the staff again."

"And that's an issue. Toth has gone into hiding," Angel said, glowering at Spike and Xander.

"Maybe he hasn't gone into hiding though," Willow said. She grabbed the book Angel had brought with him. She flipped the pages until she found the one she needed. "Apparently before he can go after Buffy he needs to reverse the curse of the person already struck with the staff. Which means he is mostly likely trying to find Spike, and since Spike is a vampire he isn't looking for him in apartments, he's most likely looking in crypts and underground."

Spike and Xander stared at each other. "Are you saying we have to use Spike as bait?"

"If you want the spell to be broken….yes," Giles replied. "It's the only way. Once the spell is broken Buffy can safely kill Toth and we can all get back to our normal lives."

Spike whimpered and tightened his hold on Xander. "I guess we're going hunting then."

"You won't be alone," Angel reassured. "We'll all be right there with you."

"I'll be there with you," Xander whispered. "And when we get you back to your old self, we can talk more about us having sex if you want."

Angel growled when he overheard that. "What?"

"Back off, Deadboy, Spike isn't yours anymore. You don't have the right to stick your nose in his business. Not after you abandoned him," Xander snarled at Angel.

"Oh and your attention never wanders from the person you're with to the person you're closest to does it?" Angel shot right back.

Xander's face tightened. "What the hell are you talking about?"

""Don't tell me you've forgotten about what you did to Cordelia," Angel replied. "She still has the scar from crashing through the stairs."

"ENOUGH!" Giles shouted, startling everyone. A little whimper left Spike, who buried himself closer to Xander if that was possible. "We are sick of you two and your childish behavior! In case you have both forgotten this has nothing to do with the two of you and everything to do with Spike. He does not need your arguing and quite frankly neither does the rest of us. Now if you're not going to help Spike we will do it without you!"

Angel brooded and Xander leaned his head against Spike's. "I'm sorry, Spike," Xander said.

"It's fine, luv. I know you hate the wanker," Spike replied. "Let's just get this over with so I can snark at Peaches without worrying about the consequences yeah?"

"Great!" Willow said and jumped up from her seat, relieved that the situation had been defused. "I'll just go phone Buffy. A couple more pairs of eyes couldn't hurt." She rushed out of the room.

Xander sighed and pushed Spike off his lap. "Come on, Blondie. Let's get you fixed up to your annoying self," he said with a smile.

"Did you mean it about talking about us having sex?" Spike asked, his eyes wide with fear of rejection.

"Hell yeah," Xander said a little too enthusiastically. He coughed and composed himself. "I sounded a lot cooler last night, didn't I?"

Spike shook his head, "You sounded uninterested last night."

"Oh, well I'm not. Uninterested I mean," Xander said. He kissed Spike's forehead, afraid that if he tried anything else he might frighten Spike.

Angel grunted and turned away from them. He couldn't watch Spike and Xander acting so affectionate towards one another. It pissed Angel off that Spike would pick Xander over him. He had been so sure that as soon as Spike saw Angel he would be next to him. That Spike would be asking his sire to protect him. "Can we get a move on? The night won't wait for us," Angel said gruffly.

Spike looked over at Angel and pulled away from Xander. Slowly he made his way to Angel, gently placing a hand on Angel's shoulder. "Sire?"

Angel turned around and saw bright blue eyes staring at him. He looked over Spike's head and saw Xander staring at them both, confused and hurt. "Are you all right, Spike?"

"I'm scared," Spike answered with a quiver.

"We are going to get you back. This demon won't hurt you," Angel said, placing a hand on Spike's cheek just as Xander had done. "It'll all work out."

Spike shook his head. "Not that. I know you don't like Xander, but I do, yeah? So don't interfere. I know you. You want to pull sire's rights and I don't know if it's because of me or if it's because of him. He makes me happy. I deserve to be happy, don't I?"

"So you and Xander are involved?" Angel asked with a sour look on his face.

"No, not really, but we've been friends. Believe it or not but he was the first one to actually be there for me when I came to them with this chip in my head," Spike said. He turned to look at Xander and gave him a little smile before turning back to Angel. "It took being drunk and scared for me to tell him. He didn't laugh at me or even throw me out of his place."

Angel sighed and rubbed his forehead. "As much as I hate Xander…and I do, I want you to be happy. And if you think that being involved with Xander will do that, then I won't stop you."

"Thank you, sire," Spike said before he stepped away and returned to Xander. "Let's get this done," he said trying to sound strong but the grip on Xander's arm proved otherwise. "Let's find this bloody bastard."


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Unliving in Fear 4/4  
>Author: Forsaken2003<br>Pairing: Spike/Xander  
>Rating: R<br>Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
>Comments: Always welcomed!<br>Summary: What if it was Spike that got hit with Toth's power instead of Xander? What if he didn't get the same effects?  
>WarningsSpoilers: Season 5 'The Replacements'  
>Beta'd by: Whichclothes<p>

**Part Four **

Spike walked a good ten feet in front of the others through the city dump. Buffy and Angel were farther away in opposite directions, looking for Toth. "I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid," Spike muttered to himself. There was a loud bang and Spike jumped a good five feet in the air and a shriek left his lips. He heard Xander quietly calling out to him.

"It's all right, Spike. It's just a raccoon. You can do this," Xander said. It seemed to relax Spike some.

Half an hour wandering around the city dump was not something any of them wanted to do again. They all wanted Toth to show up, fix Spike and kill him so they could all go home and take long showers. Xander couldn't help but offer to shower with Spike. Just to save water of course!

Spike began to whimper when a tingling started in his head. Danger was close. "I am afraid. I am afraid!" He was about to turn around and tell them this was off. That he would just hide away in a nice padded room for the rest of his unlife. Maybe they would bring him blood every once and a while….if he ate it that was another matter.

"Vampire!" Toth roared, he appeared out of nowhere. "You have gotten in the way of my destroying the slayer!"

"I-I'm sorry about that. Didn't mean to," Spike stammered. He took a step back.

Toth ignored Spike sniveling and pointed his staff at him. Spike again found himself being tossed through the air landing in a heap from the force of magic. He groaned and rolled over on to his side, barely conscious. Xander was beside him running a hand through Spike's hair.

"You did so well, Spike," Xander praised him.

"Hey, Rod boy, I think you were looking for me," Buffy said. She had most of her weight on her right leg and her hands behind her back.

Toth raised his staff. "I will not miss again, slayer." A magical force rushed from his staff.

Angel appeared out of nowhere and pushed Buffy out of the way. Both narrowly missed being hit. Angel jumped on Toth from behind and made him drop the rod. Toth threw Angel off. Angel punched him a few times before Toth head-butted him and flung him aside.

Buffy joined the party and kicked and punched Toth several times. He then he picked her up and body-slammed her into a pile of garbage. Buffy kicked up as he approached, her foot catching him on the chin. She got back up, and landed a few more kicks and punches before Toth finally began to totter. "Sword!" she yelled and Angel threw her one. Buffy caught it and stabbed it through Toth's gut. Toth screamed in agony before crumpling to the ground and dying.

"Well done, Buffy," Giles said as he carefully picked up the rod. "I will have to consult my books to find a proper way of destroying this."

Angel walked over to Spike and Xander. He watched as Xander picked up Spike and began carrying him home. Xander stopped at turned to look at Angel. "Thank you."

"Just take care of him. If I find out you hurt him I will have no problem killing you slowly. Believe me when I say the soul won't care," Angel said. His eyes were narrowed and his mouth in a grim line.

"Got it, Deadboy," Xander replied. He hated Angel's guts and probably always would but he had respect that he was standing up for Spike. It might have been a few decades too late but it was better than nothing. "I'm taking him back to my place. Make sure he's back to himself."

Angel nodded and leaned in and placed a kiss on Spike's forehead. "I'm sorry for deserting you," he whispered, and turned and walked away. His job here was done.

Spike groaned when he woke up; it felt as if he had been beaten up by a group of Zor'ag demons. He tried rolling over on to his back but couldn't get his limbs to agree. It took him a few minutes to realize he was not in his crypt but Xander's bed. He took a deep breath and the smell of Xander filled his senses.

"Hey, you're awake," Xander said as he walked into his bedroom. "You've been out of it for almost a full day. How do you feel?"

"Like shit," Spike replied. His eyes squinted at Xander, taking him all in. The only thing he wore was a black pair of sweats. He looked absolutely delicious and there wasn't a damn thing Spike could do about it.

Xander smiled sympathetically and climbed on to the bed. "Let's see if I can help." He pulled the covers down to Spike's hips before he straddled them. "I've been told I give great massages," Xander said before he started kneading tense muscles.

"Bloody hell," Spike groaned and buried his head into the pillow. It felt absolutely amazing!

"Besides feeling like shit how are you doing? Did getting hit with the magic staff work?" Xander asked worriedly. If it hadn't he didn't think there would be another way to fix Spike.

Spike was purring and he almost missed the question. He stopped and thought about things that had scared him. Spiders? Nope, sure they were creepy with their eight legs but that wouldn't stop him from squishing them into a fine paste. What about thunder storms? Again no, he almost wished there would be another one. They always lulled him to sleep ever since he was human. However Spike didn't want to lose the attention he was getting so he had to play this right. "I'm scared," he whimpered pathetically.

Xander froze, "Fuck. It's going to be okay, Spike. We'll find another way to help you. What has you scared? Is it me? Should I leave you alone?"

"It is you….I'm afraid you won't keep your promise about fucking me," Spike replied a smirk played on his lips.

"Afraid….what?" Xander's brow furrowed as his brain tried to process. The light bulb flicked on and he cuffed Spike on the back of his head. "Don't do that!"

Spike pouted and fluttered his eyelashes. "Does that mean you aren't? Angel won't be happy to hear that you know. I heard what he said to you."

Xander leaned down and rested his forehead against Spike's shoulder blades. "You scared the shit out of me. I was afraid you were going to suffer for the rest of your unlife and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help." Tears of frustration burned his eyes.

Guilt suddenly filled Spike. He thought back to how much Xander had to put up with him and his crazy fears. "I'm sorry, luv. I was just fooling around. I swear I'm fine," Spike said. He wished he could wrap his arms around Xander and try to find a way to comfort him.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Xander asked. He rubbed his head in between Spike's shoulder blades.

"Besides feeling like I need a full body massage I feel bloody fantastic," Spike assured Xander. "Owe it all to you don't I?"

"I didn't do anything. Angel had the book that said how to fix you and Buffy was the one to kill Toth," Xander replied.

Spike rolled his eyes at how dense Xander was. "You took care of a crazy vampire. It might have only been a couple days but are you honestly going to tell me you did nothing?"

Xander smiled a little. "I didn't like you hurting but I did like taking care of you. Being the one you'd come to, to make it all better."

"Let me roll over, yeah?" Spike asked and felt Xander lift off of him before helping to roll him over. He watched as Xander leaned over him to look at him. "You are a magnificent creature you know that?"

"Erm….nope! But I have to say I don't hate hearing it," Xander said with a goofy smile.

Spike barked out a laugh before he groaned in pain. "Fuck, that demon did a number on me."

"Stop moving or you're not going to heal. Maybe I should go get you some blood," Xander said. He moved to get off the bed.

"If I stay still will you stay?" Spike asked. He didn't want their moment to stop no matter how little it was.

With a nod Xander settled back down. "I guess once you feel better you'll want to head back to your place."

"You mean my nice dank hole?" Spike said with disgust. "Honestly preferred the basement of doom compared to it."

"Damn, that's….terrible!" Xander couldn't contain a laugh. Spike had bitched so much about the basement.

Spike pouted. "You mock my horrible unlife."

Xander couldn't resist it any longer he leaned down and placed a kiss on Spike's lips. He had wanted to the last few times but he couldn't do that to Spike when he was in such a vulnerable state. "Was that okay?"

"It's about bloody time!" Spike exclaimed. "For fuck sakes. I tell you I want you to fuck me and you're just kissing me now?"

"I wasn't going to take advantage of you!" Xander said. "I couldn't do that to you. Why didn't you just kiss me?"

Spike's eyes almost bugged out of his head. "Are you bleeding kidding me? And face the fear of rejection?"

"Point taken, so I think we are in agreement that this was the best time for it. And that we don't have discuss it further and should we do it again?" Xander asked looking hopeful. How was he supposed to not want to kiss Spike's soft pouty lips?

"Sounds like a bloody good idea to me," Spike said and he wrapped his fingers in Xander's hair and pulled him down for another kiss.

Xander allowed his hands to wander over Spike's body. His hands slipped under Spike's tee shirt to touch his chest. It was just begging to be touched with his soft pale skin with rock hard muscle underneath. "Do you think you're up for my promise?"

A low groan came from Spike. Little Spike was definitely up for it. "Bloody hell, yes but I don't think I can participate much," he said with a low whimper when he tried to move.

"Then you just lay back and enjoy it," Xander whispered before kissing Spike. He pulled away only to push Spike's shirt up before trailing kisses over his chest. He paid special attention to each nipple as he lapped at them with his tongue. Soon his tongue traveled south sometimes leaving tiny kisses. Xander's fingers danced over Spike's sides. When Xander reached the bellybutton he stabbed his tongue in and out of it. Spike's arched off the bed. A sensitive spot; Xander would have to remember that.

"Please, Xander, you're so close." Spike had his head thrown back. Goose bumps covered his body. When Xander shoved his tongue into his bellybutton it was like a shock went through his spine.

Not wanting to disappoint Spike, Xander tossed off the covers. He had removed Spike's jeans earlier, knowing they were uncomfortable to sleep in leaving Spike only in black boxers. "Can you lift your hips for me?" he asked, ready to somehow maneuver them down without hurting Spike.

"Yeah, just be fast," Spike said trying to muster up the energy to move. He couldn't believe Xander was actually touching him. Sure he said he would but Xander could have said that just to make Spike feel better. Spike was glad that wasn't the case.

As quickly as he could without hurting Spike, Xander removed the boxers, revealing a very impressive looking cock. Big, hard and leaking. "Great googly moogly!" Xander said as he stared.

"Like what you see? Why don't you give it a taste?" Spike asked. He was eager to feel Xander's lips wrapped around him.

Xander nodded before he swiped his tongue over the mushroom shaped head. The pre-cum was salty and kind of bitter but Xander didn't mind. He sucked the head of Spike's cock into his mouth. His thumbs rubbed over Spike's sharp hip bones. When Xander pulled back he received a whiny growl. "Not stopping, just adjusting," Xander explained before ripping open his own jeans and pulling them to his thighs. His cock sprung free. He pumped his hard, aching cock a few times until pre-cum was spread on his fingers.

"Want to taste you," Spike croaked out. He cursed the demon again for doing this to him. If it hadn't been for Toth he would have had Xander pinned beneath him as he fucked him through the mattress. "Let me taste you."

Xander smiled pleased with what Spike was asking. He crawled back up making sure not to place his weight on Spike. Finger tips ran over Spike's lips before they were drawn into his cool mouth. Spike's tongue circled his digits. Xander moaned as Spike sucked and nibbled on his fingers. When they were good and wet he slipped them from Spike's mouth. "You're not up for a good fucking and believe me when the time comes it will be," Xander said and kissed Spike. "But that doesn't mean we can't do more." He helped Spike set his feet flat on the bed and spread his legs.

"More is good; just do something before I die….again," Spike said, as he waited eagerly for Xander to start.

"We wouldn't want that," Xander replied. He settled himself between Spike's thighs. First he pushed his fingers into Spike's tight hole. His eyes were on Spike watching for any discomfort. There was none so he began moving his fingers in and out before he added his mouth into the mix. Not being one to leave himself out of the fun Xander wrapped his free hand around his own cock. No one could tell him he wasn't a multi-tasker!

If Spike had a breath it would have been caught in his throat. Colors danced before his closed eyes and he cursed once again that he couldn't fully contribute. Xander was doing an outstanding job without his help. Xander began to hum something that didn't really sound like a song but that didn't matter because the vibrations shot up Spike's body. Xander was definitely a keeper. Spike felt his balls draw up.

When Xander began to hum he knew that Spike wouldn't last much longer and he wouldn't either. He started thrusting his fingers in and out of Spike harder, brushing against the sensitive spot. Xander heard Spike howl and felt the vampire's hips leave the mattress before Xander tasted the salty cum. He swallowed as much as he could while pumping his own cock. Images flashed in his head of Spike sucking his cock down to the root making him beg and pleaded for some release and Xander was coming so that squirts of his cum covered his sheets. He'd have to change those later….much later. With a pop of his lips Xander pulled away and pulled his fingers from Spike. He plopped down beside Spike snuggled up beside him.

"Bloody hell, demon girl was right last year," Spike puffed. He looked at Xander, blue eyes slightly glazed over. "You are a bloody Viking in the sack."

"I told you that," Xander pointed out.

Spike snorted. "I wasn't going to take your word on it."

Xander shrugged unable to argue with that. "So what do we do now?"

"I think a bath would be nice. Always enjoy a nice soak," Spike said with a lazy smile. "Don't suppose you have any of that bubbly stuff?"

"Bubbly stuff?" Xander asked with a snicker.

"Yeah, the smelly stuff. It relaxes me," Spike replied with a glare. "You got a problem with that?"

Xander smiled and kissed Spike. "No problem here. But I don't have any so I'll have to do a run for it. I can do that when I go grab your stuff from the crypt," he said. He then burrowed himself under the blankets for forty winks.

"My stuff?" Spike said, confused.

"Mmmhmm," Xander replied his eyes closed. "I figured since you don't like it there you could move in here. I mean you don't _have_ to sleep in my room, there's a spare room….okay more like a large walk-in closet but we could get you a bed."

Spike thought over the pros and cons of living with Xander and decided that he would like to. Of course he would demand he get to sleep in Xander's room and sleep naked along with the fact that he enjoyed walking around naked so if they were to have any company they would have to phone in advance. If they got an eyeful of Spike's goodies that would be their fault not his. When he was about to tell Xander that he would move in, Xander snored loudly. Spike shrugged; that would give him time to think of other rules and demands he had. He couldn't wait to have an actual home. Of course they would need to redecorate as well. Black leather furniture would do. Spike was excited to tell Xander all of his plans!

The End


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